Therapist + Client: The Heart of Good Therapy

Dear Fellow Humans,

Recently, my therapist and I concluded care together. Nate was the best therapist I ever had!! He offered me a safe space to air out the thoughts and emotions that lived in the darker corners of my psyche. One of the most healing parts of our work was how he held the space — steady, nonjudgmental, and unafraid of any of my inner experiences.

Through Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy, he guided me to see that my mind wasn’t one voice but many parts of me each with a job, each with a story.  Learning to sit with and care for these parts brought tremendous relief and clarity to the internal chaos. I learned how to observe, understand, and parent myself.

As I reflect on our work together, I find myself wanting to share what I believe makes for good therapy.

1. A Safe and Steady Space

Feeling safe to be vulnerable and share your most uncomfortable and confusing experiences without fear of judgment, is therapeutic by itself. There's something healing in the process of expressing and safely being witnessed. My therapist’s steadiness taught me that safety doesn’t mean we avoid hard feelings — it means those feelings have somewhere to land.

Guidance for you: Notice if you feel you can bring all parts of yourself into the room with your therapist. If you feel you have to hide or edit, bring that up in session — it’s often the doorway to deeper healing.

2. Shared Responsibility for the Work

Therapy is not a rescue; it’s a collaboration. I didn’t rely on my therapist to “fix” me. I came prepared each week — reflecting on what surfaced between sessions, showing up ready to work. His care met my commitment.

Guidance for you: Good therapy unfolds when both people bring energy to the process. Reflect before sessions, take notes after, and practice what you’re learning. Healing grows from what happens between sessions as much as within them.

3. Authenticity and Boundaries

I deeply valued how my therapist was both genuine and grounded. He was smart, warm, playful, and human — yet he maintained clear professional boundaries. That structure made the relationship feel solid and trustworthy.

Guidance for you: Look for a therapist who feels real, but who also honors professional boundaries. The best therapy relationships have both authenticity and containment — it’s what allows the work to go deep while feeling safe.

4. The Power of Playfulness

One of my therapist’s gifts was his ability to bring lightness and humor into sessions. His spirit reminded me that healing doesn’t always have to be solemn or a drama. In our final session, I even played him what I imagined was his “spirit instrument” — an electric air ukulele — because I felt that safe and free to be my full, quirky self.

Guidance for you: Don’t underestimate humor, curiosity, and creativity in therapy. Sometimes laughter or play opens doors that words alone can’t. Healing can be profound and lighthearted. Your story doesn't have to be an epic drama, it can have comedy and also be a hero's journey.

5. Exploring the Relationship Itself

Therapy invites us to examine how we relate — not just to our therapist, but to everyone in our lives. There were moments when I noticed myself feeling anxious before our sessions. When I brought that anxiety up, it became powerful material for connection and insight.

Another time, I realized I needed him to offer guidance in a different way. I felt safe enough to ask for what I needed which gave me a real-time opportunity to practice self-advocacy.

Guidance for you: If you ever feel strong emotions toward your therapist — positive or negative — bring them into the conversation. This is called transference, and it can be one of therapy’s most valuable sources of insight when handled with skill and care. If your therapist feels safe enough and you struggle to advocate for yourself, therapy can be a practice ground to build that muscle — gently and with support.

6. Ending Well and Integrating the Work

When we ended, I felt equipped. I had tools, awareness, and a sense of inner stability I could continue building on. That’s how I knew therapy had worked.

Guidance for you: The goal of therapy isn’t to depend forever but to feel resourced and confident enough to continue your growth outside of it.

Good Relationship, Good Therapy

So, dear fellow humans: therapists need therapists too. We all need support and safe spaces to see ourselves more clearly. And, healing can happen in the therapy relationship — not because someone saves you, but because you show up and you are met with a therapeutic relationship that is genuine, collaborative, and safe.